can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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