i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
