member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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