I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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