You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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