im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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