brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
