I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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