alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
