You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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