i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
