when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
