hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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