you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it's like iHOP with fire
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
