the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The feeling are messing with the penis
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil