I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
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Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
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We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out