Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat