Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...

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  (360): The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy... http://tfl.nu/q7uq
  Replies (14) Good night (1153) Bad night (2365)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today

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  (603): It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today http://tfl.nu/pqk1
  Replies (10) Good night (4294) Bad night (572)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...

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  (717): If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one... http://tfl.nu/slb8
  Replies (23) Good night (5920) Bad night (717)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life

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  (617): Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life http://tfl.nu/020c
  Replies (11) Good night (1120) Bad night (4320)
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  (619): View more from California

  She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?

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  (619): She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser? http://tfl.nu/gbh0
  Replies (22) Good night (739) Bad night (4898)
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  (631): View more from New York

  After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.

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  (631): After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment. http://tfl.nu/pq89
  Replies (19) Good night (1067) Bad night (2839)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Beer Popsicles are better in theory

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  (903): Beer Popsicles are better in theory http://tfl.nu/iyrx
  Replies (9) Good night (2040) Bad night (954)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  That was an excessively violent trivia night

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  (604): That was an excessively violent trivia night http://tfl.nu/kztc
  Replies (4) Good night (1659) Bad night (517)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.

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  (870): I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that. http://tfl.nu/0bow
  Replies (21) Good night (700) Bad night (1168)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.

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  (703): Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic. http://tfl.nu/bmqq
  Replies (11) Good night (1412) Bad night (473)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?

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  (571): Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together? http://tfl.nu/mj4s
  Replies (1) Good night (309) Bad night (461)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon

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  (704): I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon http://tfl.nu/9347
  Replies (0) Good night (255) Bad night (422)
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  (707): View more from California

  Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.

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  (707): Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard. http://tfl.nu/vbbc
  Replies (2) Good night (460) Bad night (247)
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  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.

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  (+31): Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date. http://tfl.nu/xxz9
  Replies (6) Good night (388) Bad night (890)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.

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  (256): We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important. http://tfl.nu/x4o0
  Replies (1) Good night (534) Bad night (173)

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