i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.