ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
