i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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