I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
