there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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