Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I AM VODKA MAN
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
