i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
