So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize