dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
