escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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