i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
