my mouth tastes like poor choices
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
