i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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