Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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