she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
