Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
