you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance