am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD