you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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