Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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