I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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