Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
