dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
