Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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