i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
