If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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