...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
