Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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