When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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