I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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