chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
