is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Your penis caused this!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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