why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
