i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
