She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
