Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
