She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
