I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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