I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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