Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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