The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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