Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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