Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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