Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize