i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
