I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
