I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just high enough for therapy.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
