Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I want you more than these girls want KFC
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize